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Local Man Updates Memory On VPS, Forgets To Start It Up Again All Day.

Mr 5: "When I'm 40, you'll be dead. Both of you."

The toddler was upset until I put Cardi B on.

My five year old thinks they're called Garlics, not Daleks. I don't think I ever want to correct him.

Anyhow, it turns out the meaning of life is*%}£]weieififufjrjw*%*768$$$_*DAMMIT MUM I'M USING THE MODEM

Whoever thought water chestnuts were a good idea needs to take a long, hard look at themselves.

@phae OMG! Destiny 2! It's my most favourite game of all time, and I help out on the most popular lore site. Any questions, hit me. What are you playing on?

Climbed to the top of Hanging Rock, didn't disappear. 4 stars.

That thing where both kids are playing peacefully together, and you don't dare breathe in case the spell breaks.

This is less cleaning up after the kids, and more collating distinct types of toys into separate piles for later redistribution across the room, to start the cycle all over again.

Oh my god, it's true! When you get old, all you want to do is complain about the weather! I get it now!

@emma Emma! Would you be interested in doing an interview on usesthis.com?

Happy 11th birthday to Uses This!

"I already *know* what Bluetooth is," said the five year old, rolling his eyes.

Me: "Come watch me play Assassin's Creed Odyssey! It's so pretty!"
Her, dubious: "Okayyyyy."
Me: (kills a bear, takes its scrotum.)

I am divorced now.

My interview backlog now reaches into December!

It's a good problem to have, but because technology changes so rapidly, sometimes I have to change the tense in answers!

There I was, singing the Scooby-Doo theme song, and my watch lit up and Siri heard it as "you know you're gay," and told me knowledge is good.

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waferbaby

We eat bandwidth for breakfast.